Questions that reveal a perspective
Better questions reveal how someone thinks, not just what happened in their life.
“Tell me about your life” is a generous invitation, but a difficult question. Where should a person begin? What counts as important? A smaller question often opens a larger story.
Ask for a moment, not a summary
Instead of asking whether someone had a happy childhood, ask about a place they liked to go. Instead of asking for their greatest achievement, ask about something they found difficult and learned to do.
Concrete questions give memory somewhere to land. A room, a journey or a meal can lead naturally to the people and choices that shaped a life.
Follow what they notice
If someone pauses on a small detail, stay with it. “What was she like?” or “Why do you think you remember that?” may lead further than the next question on your list.
Let silence do some work. Remembering can take time, and a person may be deciding how much they want to share. A skipped question is a choice to respect.
Keep their words recognisable
When you write down a story, preserve the expressions that sound like the person. Ask whether your summary feels accurate. A polished paragraph is less valuable if the speaker no longer recognises themselves in it.
Separate a direct quotation from your interpretation. Record who told the story and when, and note anything they were unsure about.
End with permission
Before keeping or sharing a conversation, ask what the person is comfortable with. Some stories belong in a private archive. Others may be shared with family. Consent to tell you a story is not automatically consent to publish it.
A good conversation does more than collect information. It gives someone the experience of being listened to, while they are here to answer.
